Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Over the Back Fence

My mother used to spend part of each day, more or less, chatting over the back fence to one or more of her neighbours.  Neil remembers his mother doing likewise.  I'm pretty sure their mothers would have done the same.  Back then - and it was really not so very long ago - fences were almost always less than waist high, so you could easily see one another, and have something to lean yourself, or your basket of washing, against.

I suppose that these women would discuss their children and husbands, a television show they had enjoyed, cooking and recipes, their housework and homemaking tips, world events and local news, and their personal thoughts about Life, etc.   Over the back fence you could admire a new baby, exclaim over how much little Jonny had grown, and be invited in to see the new lounge suite. 

When our children were little I had a close neighbour whose brother commited suicide.  I think she and I spent at least half of all our weekly daylight hours together after that, for at least six months, at her place or mine, while our children played and I mostly just listened while she talked it all through; enough for her to come to terms with what had happened. 

Then six-foot high wooden paling fences gradually divided our properties, and women began to go out to work more and more anyway, and to stay home with children less and less.  Those who were still at home began to stay inside more too - enticed by  larger, more comfortable homes and colour TV's and year-round air-conditioning.  Women who did stay at home were in danger of becoming isolated, lonely, and sometimes depressed. 

(I've always thought that Motherhood and Homemaking as a profession, if you will, is not for the faint-hearted.  I remember how keenly I would clean and tidy every morning, and how I was the only one, aside from our beautiful children, who ever saw the bathroom in all its perfection - before the four o'clock bathing tsunamis that drenched all the surfaces I had shined so assiduously that morning!  No one is ever going to come along to a hard-working mother and say: "Wow, You have been doing such a Great Job that I am going to give you a Promotion, and a well-deserved Raise!   Nope.  You have to really believe in what you are doing yourself.  But there is still nothing else that I would rather have been doing.   What is helpful though, is to have some understanding, encouraging and supportive friends to share the ride with...  )

Most blogging Mums I know, (admittedly, not a gigantic number), worry to some extent about the time that it takes to blog and to 'blog-stalk'.  'Is it a waste of time?', we guiltily wonder.  I'd like to throw this thought out there, in answer to those worries:   Through blogging we are merely re-introducing, with a modern take,  the cameraderie our mothers and grand-mothers enjoyed quite naturally and happily over the back fence everyday.  Everyone knew that you weren't supposed to be outside nattering all day; but the usual amount of chit-chat was seen as a positive and emotionally healthful endeavour.  I think it still is. 

I like that women have a new way to connect; a way that suits our lives and modern living constraints. 

(Of course, a one-sided conversation with yourself doesn't do so very much to alleviate feelings of alone-ness, or add as much as it could in the way of encouragement or understanding either, so I think it's always nice to leave a comment on people's blogs too :)

19 comments:

  1. This is a lovely blog, Sandra. I hope to one day have the real experience of good neighbours with whom I can chat, albeit THROUGH the gaps in the six-foot high fence.

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  2. Hey Mum, Really, really enjoyed this post :)

    Having a great time in NY - will post tomorrow fingers crossed :)

    Would LOVE a talk on the phone - that would be REALLY nice and PERFECTLY TIMED. I miss you guys an awful lot - even if I am having a great time. We're hoping to finalize our schedule the next day or so, then I'll be able to tell you what times we'll be here for a phone call. Thanks mum!

    LOVE YOU!
    xo Tammy

    PS. Really did enjoy the post :)

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  3. This is a cute thought - it's true that there arent't really any neighbouring mums around who don't work during the day, and it's nice to be able to 'talk' and catch up with people online a little. I never would have thought you would liken something online to something so down to earth, Mama! :) It makes me feel less guilty about blogging, even though I still try to keep my time online short! xox

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  4. I really enjoyed this post too! It's nice to read other people's comments and stories, tips and ideas. My neighbours work everyday, so its not like I have much of a chance to 'bump' into them when hanging out the washing.

    It's good to be connected on the net. But of course, I do like physical interaction more!

    Thanks for the craft days :) They are lots of fun!

    Love
    J

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  5. Agreed! Truth! You are always so insightful. (and this way we aren't limited by where we live, I can have that connection all the way across the world.)

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  6. I loved this and you hit the nail on the head! I love blogging and reading others' blogs and get so much inspiration, upliftment, motivation and enjoyment from it. That is not a bad thing and considering I live in a street of retired and elderly people, i can interact with like-minded people from the comfort of my couch!

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  7. Haha, Bev! Does that mean that you find retired and elderly people NOT like-minded?

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  8. Your words have touched my soul ...

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  9. I some really great neighbours even though no one has any children. But I have one favourite neighbour directly opposite me. She is an older working lady but she is now Aunty to our boys. She gives me recipes and once we made the same recipe and swapped the ingredients we didn't have. That was so fun and I use that recipe all the time. We also pick up items for eachother at the shops. I parked under her carport when it was hailing while she was at work.
    I have high colour bond fences out the back but my neighbour is so tall he can just see over. These neighbours swear a bit and smoke weed in there garage. I once told the boys to get out of the garage because its too smoky. They go around saying that all the time. In saying that these neighbours are nice enough and never complain about our tikes.
    I always feel like I spend too much blogging time, but I am enjoying it and am grateful for your spin on it. I feel better.
    I must say I long for more people interaction but it is so hard with my family, they are hyper, well they are just boisterous boys. Do you know that almost everyday they ask where are we going today or who is coming over. One day I drove around trying to find someone to visit but in the end had to go home much to their disappointment. Maybe I'm not a good play mate, I get bored of cars :)
    Thanks for your friendship and words of encouragement Sandy

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  10. This was a very interesting post Sandy. I sometimes feel guilt over blogging but it's also my connection with others, so I appreciate your positive viewpoint on it. Thanks for sharing. And in case u didn't read my response to your poem on my blog, just wanted to let you know how much I loved it!

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  11. Great post! I dont feel so guilt now for reading blogs when I should be loookinh at realestate.com!

    Thank you!

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  12. Wow Mummy.
    I really liked this :) Good thoughts. It makes me a little sad that you don't have neighbourly neighbours anymore but I'm happy you have the blog world :) ...and me :)

    I also thought your post was very well written. I like how you started with the original 'over the fence' thing and then moved onto modern times before going back and linking them together. Nicely done.
    Can you write my uni assignments for me please? PAH-LEASE!!!??

    Anyway, I did really enjoy this post. It stimulated the mind and provoked thought :)
    Much love xox

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  13. Hi Sandy :) I've seen your comments on a couple of blogs I read (Jillina and Tammy) and always appreciate and enjoy the things you say, so I thought i'd pop over and have a look at your blog! I'm so glad I did. I really enjoyed this post and as I read it, I admit I let a little bit of the guilt I was feeling for blogging (instead of doing something else) wash away! It's nice to hear such a positive take on blogging instead of the often 'don't waste time on the computer' line of thinking! Once again I really enjoyed this post! Thank you!

    Felicity xo

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  14. We need some more of your wise words! Blog again soon!!

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  15. I heard your unwell! I know how horrible it is when your feeling sick, our family has just gone through a round of various viruses and ear infections and tummy bugs and colds between the four of us! I hope you feel better soon! Xxx

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  16. Haven't seen you over the back fence for a while, how are you doing?? Okay I know how you're doing but I still like reading your blog!!! Write about your miracle blessing!! :) xoxox

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  17. Seriously, did you forget your password?! Because I can totally help you out - I know it :D

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  18. Mum? .....Mummy??.......MOTHER!!!!!
    Where are you!?? How come you're not answering!??
    I MISSSS you!!!
    PLEASE come back! :( :(

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  19. Yes Sandy, where are you? I hope to read many more blogs like this. :)
    I've come across a few of your comments on other people's blogs as well and I love that you are so positive!
    Check out my blog for a post inspired by you. x

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